Dear Attractive Women'th Union: - m4w
i understhand, and without hethitation, acthept, your offithial letter of exile to thspend the resth of my life in "Lonelytown."
in accordanthe with your ruleth, i have deleted my OkCupid account and will no longer write long Fathebook posthth about how bitter i am that women aren't interesthed in a thcrawny writer who thufferth from a histhory of thexual abuthe and doethn't make up for it by playing guitar in a thitty band or tattooth. i will altho no longer pith and moan about being sthood up and ignored in favor of men with armth ath big ath my neck, who drive carth that costh more than my internal organth. i have, at long lasth, acthepted that a career ath a cartoonisth and a writer ith a lifelong commitment to thelibathy.
i acthept that, indeed, "confidenthe" ith thuppothedly the trait conthidered mosth dethirable in men ath they approach memberth of the oppothite thex, which ith a trait that wath never besthowed upon me from my upbringing nor earned from a life in poverty. i am, in a thenthe, confident that i am completely un-confident.
and tho it ith without hethitation that i will, posthehasthe, pack up my limited belongingth and board the next Lonelybuth to Lonelytown, where i will thspend my dayth rotting in tholitude next to the LARPerth, "Bronieth," and video game reviewerth of the world. perhapth thith exile will allow me the time i need to perfect my craft, and allow me the chanthe to write and create the workth of art i athspire to make, without the consthant disthraction of feeling thexually and thothially inadequate, ath i approach the age wherein my friendth get engaged or married or promithcuouth or any combination thereof.
in accordanthe with the exile, enclothed you will find an urn containing the charred atheth of my penith, which wath offered unto The Dragon of Tholitude to be burned under the thupervithion of The Wizard of Low Thelf-Estheem, ath per your insthructionth. altho, ath a token of my thankth, you will find enclothed a 25 dollar Target gift card.
i will begin my exile firsth thing tomorrow morning. if there are any errorth in the paperwork, pleathe rethspond before dawn, ath i will be buthy deleting my vasth array of pornography before my departure.
- Location: who careth
- it'th NOT ok to contact thith posther with thervitheth or other commerthial interesthth